A Year of Questions

Big conversations are good, but small daily ones are what actually keep a couple knowing each other. The idea here is simple: one question a day, pulled at random, answered together. No pressure, no agenda — just a small, repeatable door back into curiosity.

Set it up: Print a question list, cut it into strips, fold them, and drop them in a jar or container. Pull one a day. If a question doesn't fit you, reframe it — change the 'what' or the 'who.' Make your own rules; the questions are a starting place, not a script.

A Starter Set

Here's a sampling to begin with, spanning light to deeper. Trade a few tonight.

• What would you like to learn?
• What do you want and/or need when you are sad?
• What characteristic do you most love about me? (Share an example.)
• What small change would improve our relationship?
• What is your favorite childhood memory?
• What stresses you, and what calms you down the most?
• What's on your bucket list?
• What is the most romantic thing I've done for you?
• What one small thing could you do to feel more organized?
• For what are you grateful right now?
• What makes you feel safe?
• What good thing happened to you this week?
• What does your partner do that speaks love to you?
• Where do you need to take a leap of faith?

Make It a Ritual

A daily habit needs a hook. Decide when and how you'll pull your question.

We'll pull our question each day right after… (a thing we already do — coffee, dinner, lights-out):

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• [ ] Physical jar of cut-up strips
• [ ] A shared note or app on our phones
• [ ] We alternate who pulls and who answers first
• [ ] It's okay to skip a day without it counting as 'falling off'

After a Week

After a week of this — what did you learn about your partner that surprised you?

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Source: Adapted from 'A Year of Questions for You and Your Spouse' by Lori at the-generous-wife.com, a free resource for couples. The original is faith-oriented and contains 365 questions; the starter set, ritual structure, and prompts here are our own selection and framing.

A gentle note: This worksheet is a learning tool, not treatment. If your relationship currently includes abuse, ongoing harm, or active crisis, please work with a qualified couples therapist instead.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Staying Close, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. Stay close in ordinary weeks: small daily moments and a short check-in that fits you both.
• Building Your Couple Operating Manual, from The Neurodiverse Couple. The capstone: turn everything you've learned into one shared couple operating manual — map your two systems and write agreements that actually stick.