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Co-Regulation Basics
Children borrow calm before they can make their own. Co-regulation is simply this: your steady nervous system helps settle theirs. It's not about staying perfectly calm — it's about coming back to steady, out loud, so they can follow you there.
Start with you
You can't pour calm from an empty cup. How steady are you feeling lately, and what helps you get there?
My own steadiness lately
Rate from 0 (Frazzled) to 10 (Steady): ____
What helps me steady myself in a hard moment (breath, lowering my voice, unclenching, stepping back a second)
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What tips me into my own dysregulation
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What helps my child
Notice what actually helps your specific child come down — it may not be talking.
For my child
Building up
- What helps: ____________________
- What makes it worse: ____________________
Peak / overwhelmed
- What helps: ____________________
- What makes it worse: ____________________
Coming down
- What helps: ____________________
- What makes it worse: ____________________
In the moment
Co-regulation moves
- Lower my voice and slow down
- Fewer words, fewer demands
- Get down to their level; offer presence, not a lecture
- Name it simply: 'this is hard — I'm here'
- Regulate first, teach later
My co-regulation plan, in my words
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Repair counts: You will lose your cool sometimes — every caregiver does. Coming back and reconnecting afterward teaches your child that rupture isn't the end. That's co-regulation too.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Co-Regulation: Lending Your Calm, from Parenting Autism. You can't logic a dysregulated child — you lend calm before they can make their own.
- The Autistic Nervous System, from Parenting Autism. The window of tolerance, the capacity budget, the hot alarm, and stimming as regulation — how your child's nervous system drives behavior.
- Meltdowns and Shutdowns, from Parenting Autism. Meltdown vs tantrum, shutdowns as the quiet exit, why shame outlasts the storm, and aftercare that works — a free module for parents of autistic kids.