Re-Reading the Labels

Autistic men collect labels: cold, aloof, robotic, loner, difficult, intense, rude, 'angry young man.' You probably absorbed some of them as the truth about who you are. But most of them were other people misreading autistic traits. This worksheet helps you take the labels back and re-read them.

A misread isn't a diagnosis of your character: Most of these labels say more about how an autistic man comes across to others than about who he actually is. You were translated badly, not built wrong.

The labels I carry

Tick the ones you've been called - or have called yourself.

• [ ] Cold or emotionless
• [ ] Aloof or arrogant
• [ ] Robotic, no feelings
• [ ] Loner or antisocial
• [ ] Difficult or stubborn
• [ ] Rude or blunt
• [ ] Too intense
• [ ] Angry

The label that stuck to me the hardest:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

The re-read

Take that label and translate it back.

Example — The label: 'Cold' · What was probably actually going on: I don't always show feeling on my face - but I feel plenty underneath

Row 2

• The label: ____________________
• What was probably actually going on: ____________________

Row 3

• The label: ____________________
• What was probably actually going on: ____________________

Row 4

• The label: ____________________
• What was probably actually going on: ____________________

Giving it back

Some of these belong to the people who handed them out, not to you.

A label I'm ready to stop wearing as the truth about me:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

You get to write the description now: You spent years described by people who didn't have the right lens. Now you do. The labels were a translation error - and you're allowed to correct the record about who you actually are.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Self-Esteem, Identity, and Late Diagnosis, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why misunderstanding erodes neurodivergent self-worth, what late diagnosis really feels like, and how to reauthor your story.
• Communication Across Neurotypes, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why autistic and non-autistic people misunderstand each other: the double empathy problem, direct vs indirect styles, and cross-neurotype repair.
• What the Labels Were Describing, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. The couples session that looks again at the label each of you has carried longest - lazy, cold, too much - and what was really happening underneath it.