Sexual Beliefs Audit

Most adults carry inherited sexual beliefs they never chose. ND folks often carry an extra layer: beliefs about being too much, about hiding sensory needs, about masking through sex. This worksheet surfaces both — the universal inherited beliefs and the ND-specific ones — so you can decide what to keep.

Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.

How to use this worksheet

Each partner fills their own copy. Privately. There is no right answer. Notice the ND-specific section especially — these beliefs often run in the background unnamed. Trade and read silently. Curiosity, not judgment. Pick one belief to actively change this year. Belief change is slow. Pick one.

Name

______________________________________________

Date

______________________________________________

ND-specific beliefs — the often-invisible ones

Mark which apply: A=agree, D=disagree, M=mixed feelings.

My sensory needs are too much / too high-maintenance

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Asking for accommodations during sex is selfish or weak

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

I should hide my ND traits in intimacy / not stim during sex

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Masking through sex is just what you do

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

My partner shouldn't have to learn my body's specifics

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Spontaneous sex is what counts; preparation means it's not real

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

If I have to script it, it doesn't count as connection

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

My need for predictability is unsexy

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

If I disclose my full sensory profile, my partner will leave

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

I am too 'in my head' to ever fully relax into sex

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

My partner expects neurotypical sex; I owe them that

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Going non-verbal during sex means I'm not into it

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Inherited beliefs — from family, culture, religion, peers, media

Sex is mostly about physical pleasure

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Real men / real women are always ready for sex

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Sex without orgasm is failure

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Talking during sex is awkward

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

If my partner loves me they should know what I want

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Initiating sex is mostly the man's job

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Pornography messages shaped what I believe sex should look like

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Sex should be spontaneous, not scheduled

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Some sexual desires are shameful

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

My body should look a certain way to be sexual

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

I was taught that same-sex desire is normal / not normal / complicated

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Asking for what I want is selfish

• A / D / M (Agree / Disagree / Mixed): ____________________

Discussion & notes — keep, modify, or discard

Inherited beliefs only have power when they stay invisible: Naming them is the first move.

An ND-specific belief I want to DISCARD

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

An inherited belief I want to KEEP

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

A belief I want to MODIFY

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

What surprised me about my partner's beliefs

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Beliefs can be revised: Everything you absorbed can be re-examined. A belief you didn't choose doesn't have to stay in charge of your sex life.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. The intimacy session for a neurodiverse couple: what gets in the way, how to invite and say no, a touch card, and when to see a specialist.
• Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Sex and intimacy for neurodivergent bodies: sensory load, masking, direct communication, and consent.
• ASIM-24 — Sex, Intimacy and Sensory Reality, from Autistic Self-Discovery. Sexual knowledge, sensory comfort, boundaries and consent for autistic adults, plus why this reverse-scored tool is unvalidated.