Click Here for Plain Text Version
What Counts as Betrayal to Us?
Couples often assume they share a definition of betrayal — until they don't. One person's harmless friendship is another's emotional affair; one person's private browsing is another's breach. Rather than discovering the mismatch the hard way, this maps where each of you draws the line, so you can build a shared, explicit agreement instead of relying on assumptions.
Where each of us stands
Fill this in separately first, then compare. Mark each as okay, a gray area, or not okay for you.
Our lines
Physical intimacy with someone else
- Me: ____________________
- My partner: ____________________
Emotional closeness / confiding in someone else
- Me: ____________________
- My partner: ____________________
Secret texting or DMs
- Me: ____________________
- My partner: ____________________
Dating apps / following exes
- Me: ____________________
- My partner: ____________________
Pornography
- Me: ____________________
- My partner: ____________________
Hiding money or spending
- Me: ____________________
- My partner: ____________________
Keeping secrets in general
- Me: ____________________
- My partner: ____________________
Where we differ
The gray areas where our lines don't match — worth talking through
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Our agreement
What we're agreeing counts as a breach going forward, in our own words
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
This isn't a trap: The point isn't to catch anyone out — it's to trade assumptions for a clear, shared understanding. If this surfaces something that's already happened, that's a conversation for a therapist to help hold.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Where You Misread Each Other, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. The session where a neurodiverse couple finds where they guess each other's feelings wrong, in both directions, and writes down what was true.
- Trust and the Resentment Backlog, from The Neurodiverse Couple. How trust erodes in a neurodiverse couple, why lying is often shame not malice, and how to mend.
- Building Your Couple Operating Manual, from The Neurodiverse Couple. The capstone: turn everything you've learned into one shared couple operating manual — map your two systems and write agreements that actually stick.