For the People Who Love Me

Loving someone whose brain keeps chasing a substance or behavior — gaming, scrolling, drinking, whatever it is — is exhausting, lonely, and confusing. This sheet is for you, the partner or family member. It won't fix them (you can't, and it was never your job), but it can help you support them without disappearing, and tell the difference between helping and quietly making it easier.

It's not a moral failing — or about you: Their habit is, in large part, a nervous system chasing relief or stimulation it's short on. That reframe matters: it's not weakness, and it's not a statement about how much they love you. Compassion works better than contempt — for both of you.

What I've been carrying

How this has been affecting me — honestly

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Mine vs not mine

You can care deeply and still not be responsible for their choices. Sort it out.

What's mine to carry?

Genuinely mine (my feelings, my limits, my wellbeing)

• What goes here: ____________________

Not mine (their recovery, their choices)

• What goes here: ____________________

Support vs enable

Supporting helps them face it; enabling cushions them from its costs so nothing has to change. The line is personal — find yours.

Where my support has tipped into enabling, and what I'd do differently

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

My boundaries

Boundaries are about what YOU will do, not about controlling them.

Example: 'I'm not going to cover for you or cancel plans because of this. I love you, and I'll support you getting help.'

A boundary I need to set, in my words

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Who holds me?

My own supports — people, a therapist, a group (like Al-Anon / family support) — so I'm not carrying this alone

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Put your own mask on first: You cannot pour someone else out of this, and running yourself empty helps no one. Looking after you isn't giving up on them — it's how you last.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• For Supporters, from The Neurodivergent Brain. For partners, parents, and friends of neurodivergent people: the gap from your side, and what actually helps.
• The ADHD Brain, In Plain Language, from The Adult ADHD Course. How the ADHD brain really works, from dopamine to the interest-based nervous system, without jargon.
• The Cassandra Experience, from The Neurodiverse Couple. The real, often-disbelieved distress of the non-autistic partner, held without blame.