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My Non-Negotiables
You get to decide what you need in order to feel safe - your non-negotiables. These aren't ultimatums to control him; they're your honest conditions, and naming them clearly is an act of self-respect, not a demand. He can choose how he responds. You can choose what you do next. This worksheet helps you name what you need, plainly.
Naming your needs isn't demanding - it's knowing your worth: You're allowed to have conditions for your own safety and peace. Stating them clearly isn't controlling; it's honest, and it's strong.
What I need to feel safe
Tick what matters to you - and add your own.
- [ ] Full honesty / no more secrets
- [ ] Him in real treatment, doing the work
- [ ] No contact with the other person / source
- [ ] Real accountability, not blame-shifting
- [ ] My feelings taken seriously
- [ ] Financial transparency
- [ ] Time and patience for my healing
My top non-negotiables, in my own words:
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What I'll do
A boundary includes what you will do if a non-negotiable is repeatedly not met - not as a threat, but as a plan for your own protection.
If a non-negotiable is repeatedly not met, what will I do to protect myself?
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Your needs are legitimate: You are allowed to have non-negotiables, and you're allowed to act on them. This list is yours to define, hold, and revisit as you learn more about what you need and what's actually happening.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Boundaries That Keep You Safe (the WISE formula), from Healing After Betrayal. After betrayal, a boundary is a fence that keeps you safe - not control or punishment.
- Trust & Your Decision: Rebuild, Wait, or Step Away, from Healing After Betrayal. Trust rebuilds only through consistent, transparent action over time. Your choice to rebuild, wait, or step away is yours.
- Reclaiming Your Worth & Identity, from Healing After Betrayal. Your worth is inherent - the affair never set it.