Relationship Vision

Click Here for Plain Text Version

A vision statement lets the two of you dream out loud — to imagine the life you want together and then set the course toward it. It is a map you will use on the journey, not a verdict on where you are now. A vision that holds up is lined up with your strengths and your core values, and it grows and changes as the two of you do.

Stuck is normal: People often freeze here — worried their dream is not important enough, or too different from their partner's. If you are used to denying yourself, wanting something can feel like guilt. Take your time. Build this over several days if you need to.

Part One — Eleven Areas to Dream About

Work through these on your own first, without checking what your partner is writing. Jot down whatever comes. This part is meant to be fun.

Your Relationship Itself

Ask yourself

How and when do you want to spend time together?
What problem areas do you want to overcome?
What do you want your relationship to grow in?

Your relationship

e.g. Notes and hopes for the relationship itself

______________________________________________

Family

Ask yourself

What are your hopes and dreams for your family and your children?
How do you want to be with your own parents or siblings?

Family

e.g. Notes and hopes for family

______________________________________________

Friends

Ask yourself

What kind of friendships do you each value?
How much time feels right to spend with friends?
Which friends are yours alone, and which do you share?

Friends

e.g. Notes and hopes for friendship

______________________________________________

Financial

Ask yourself

What do you each think about the way you earn a living?
How do you each think about saving?
How do you picture paying for college, or for retirement?
Are there dreams that need to be written into the financial plan?

Financial

e.g. Notes and hopes for money and work

______________________________________________

Spiritual

Ask yourself

How do each of you define your spirituality?
Is belonging to a religious group important to you?
Do you need to agree about how you teach your children about spirituality and religion?

Spiritual

e.g. Notes and hopes for spiritual life

______________________________________________

Community

Ask yourself

How do each of you define community?
Is being part of a larger community important to you?
How do you want to build community — neighbors, organizations, religious groups?

Community

e.g. Notes and hopes for community

______________________________________________

Social Action

Ask yourself

Is doing your part to heal the world important to you?
Are you interested in volunteer work?
Would you rather do it on your own or alongside your partner?

Social action

e.g. Notes and hopes for giving back

______________________________________________

Professional

Ask yourself

What are your aspirations for your work?
Are you interested in changing careers?
Are there classes or workshops that would build your skills?
How do your career goals fit with your goals for the relationship and the family?

Professional

e.g. Notes and hopes for work

______________________________________________

Education and Personal Growth

Ask yourself

Do you want to go back to school for a degree?
Are there courses nearby you have been curious about?
Are there skills you would like to develop to feel more confident?

Education and personal growth

e.g. Notes and hopes for learning

______________________________________________

Health

Ask yourself

Do you feel good about how much you move each day or week?
Is the way you eat close to what you would choose?
Are there health risks in your family or your age group worth getting ahead of?

Health

e.g. Notes and hopes for health

______________________________________________

Hobbies

Ask yourself

Is there a hobby you love that you never seem to make time for?
Are there hobbies you would like to pick up?
Is there something you would be excited to do with your partner?

Hobbies

e.g. Notes and hopes for the things you do for their own sake

______________________________________________

Part Two — Turning Notes Into a Vision

Four steps. Do step one apart, and the rest together.

Step 1 — Write Separately

On your own, turn your notes into a list of sentences that describe your personal vision of a deeply satisfying love relationship. Write them in the present tense and keep them positive, the way you would write an affirmation. Some can be broad and some very specific.

What the sentences sound like: "We adore each other." "We enjoy adventures together." "We nurture our relationship every day." "We exercise together and help each other stay fit." "We have enough savings that neither of us worries about money."

Partner A — my vision statements

e.g. One present-tense statement per line

______________________________________________

Partner B — my vision statements

e.g. One present-tense statement per line

______________________________________________

Step 2 — Share and Merge

Read your lists to each other and mark the statements that appear on both. They do not have to be worded identically — the same general idea counts. If one of you wrote something the other agrees with, add it. Statements only one of you wants are worth discussing, but set them aside for now.

Our merged list

e.g. Every statement you both want on the list

______________________________________________

Step 3 — Rank and Choose

Each of you ranks every statement on the merged list from 1 to 5, where 1 is very important and 5 is not so important. Then circle the two that matter most to you, and flag the ones that look hardest to reach.

How important is your single top statement to you?

Rate from 1 (1 · Very important) to 5 (5 · Not so important): ____

Rank the merged list

Row 1

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

Row 2

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

Row 3

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

Row 4

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

Row 5

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

Row 6

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

Row 7

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

Row 8

Vision statement: ____________________
Partner A rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Partner B rank (1–5) (1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5): ____________________
Hard to reach? (Yes / No): ____________________

The two that matter most to each of us

e.g. Partner A's top two, Partner B's top two

______________________________________________

Step 4 — Build the Mutual Vision

Write one combined list. Start with what you both ranked most important and end with what you both ranked low. Mark the ones you agree will be hardest. Where you cannot agree on a statement, either find wording you can both stand behind or leave it off. When it is done, put it somewhere you will both see it during the week, and read it together now and then.

Our mutual relationship vision

e.g. The combined list, most important first

______________________________________________

Goals and the Action Plan

Goals grow out of the vision. They are the small, measurable steps that get you there — a date night once a week, registering for a class, eating differently, planning the trip. Keep them small enough that you succeed at each one in turn. Some you will do alone and some together.

Our goals

Row 1

Goal: ____________________
Which vision statement it serves: ____________________
Who (Both of us / Partner A / Partner B): ____________________
By when: ____________________

Row 2

Goal: ____________________
Which vision statement it serves: ____________________
Who (Both of us / Partner A / Partner B): ____________________
By when: ____________________

Row 3

Goal: ____________________
Which vision statement it serves: ____________________
Who (Both of us / Partner A / Partner B): ____________________
By when: ____________________

Row 4

Goal: ____________________
Which vision statement it serves: ____________________
Who (Both of us / Partner A / Partner B): ____________________
By when: ____________________

Row 5

Goal: ____________________
Which vision statement it serves: ____________________
Who (Both of us / Partner A / Partner B): ____________________
By when: ____________________

Row 6

Goal: ____________________
Which vision statement it serves: ____________________
Who (Both of us / Partner A / Partner B): ____________________
By when: ____________________

How often we will check in on these goals

e.g. Weekly, monthly, first Sunday — and at each one, review progress, ask whether the goal is still realistic, and adjust it

______________________________________________

You cannot get there without a map: This exercise is not a test of how good your relationship is right now — plenty of couples build a vision while things are hard, and some need a therapist alongside them to do it. The point is that a direction you chose on purpose beats a direction you drifted into.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

Your Goals, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. What each of you wants, in your own words, and the questions your therapist asks underneath it.
Building Your Couple Operating Manual, from The Neurodiverse Couple. The capstone: turn everything you've learned into one shared couple operating manual — map your two systems and write agreements that actually stick.

NEW PATH FAMILY