Click Here for Plain Text Version
RSD Repair Plan
RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) is most often discussed in ADHD, but many autistic clients also describe intense rejection sensitivity, shame, or threat responses around perceived rejection. A neutral 'not tonight' can land as 'I am unwanted' or 'I am fundamentally undesirable,' even when the partner doesn't mean that. This worksheet builds your repair plan for after RSD has hit.
Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.
Note: RSD is widely used clinically but is not a formal DSM diagnosis. The academic research base is still emerging. We use the term because it captures something real about the experience — not because the science is settled.
1 — What my RSD hit looks like
Physical signs (heat, tightness, tears, going still, pulling away)
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
The sentence that runs in my head
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
What I usually do next (withdraw, lash out, mask harder, shut down)
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
How long does it usually last? Hours, days?
______________________________________________
2 — Pre-plan: what we will do
Decide together, in advance, when the storm isn't hitting.
Code phrase the RSD partner can use ('I'm in it' / 'RSD spike' / something else)
______________________________________________
What the OTHER partner will do when they hear that phrase
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
How long we'll wait before processing (24h? 48h? next session?)
______________________________________________
3 — The no-debate rule
The asker doesn't debate the 'no.' The no-sayer acknowledges the reach. Both protect the integrity of the 'no' option. When that option is safe, the 'yes' becomes real.
How we phrase a 'no' that doesn't feel like rejection
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
How we phrase 'not now' with a real next time
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
What the higher-desire partner will do if they get hit by RSD instead of asking again
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
4 — Soothing the storm
What actually helps when you're in it. Check the ones that work for you.
- [ ] Cold water on face / hands
- [ ] A weighted blanket
- [ ] Stim that's familiar (rocking, fidget, movement)
- [ ] A specific song / playlist
- [ ] Going for a walk alone
- [ ] Naming it out loud ('RSD spike')
A specific phrase from partner
______________________________________________
- [ ] Time alone, then come back
5 — The repair conversation
Wait until both partners are out of the storm. Then run the conversation, in order.
RSD partner names what hit (without the partner correcting)
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Other partner reflects what they heard (no defense)
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Other partner shares what they actually meant (briefly)
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Together: what would have helped in the moment?
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Together: what we'll try differently next time
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Naming RSD doesn't excuse hurtful behavior: It makes the dynamic visible so both partners can work on it. If the RSD partner is using shutdown or withdrawal as punishment, that's a separate problem and needs therapy support.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- When Things Go Wrong, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. When something goes wrong between you, in any area, a way to talk it through and repair: pause, each side, the feeling underneath, a request.
- RSD and Conflict, from The Neurodiverse Couple. Why small feedback can land as a huge wound — 'RSD' (a popular term, not a diagnosis), the science underneath, and how to give feedback that lands.
- Big Feelings: Emotional Regulation and RSD, from The Adult ADHD Course. Why ADHD emotions run at full volume, what Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) really is, and how to ride the wave and check the story.