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Sensory Map
Sensory preferences are state-dependent. What soothes today may overwhelm tomorrow when you're tired, stressed, hormonal, sick, burned out, or sensorily depleted. Treat this map as a snapshot, not a verdict. Most ND couples struggle with sex when sensory needs go unspoken. This worksheet gives you a vocabulary.
Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.
How to use this worksheet
Each partner fills out their own copy. Privately. Mark only what you know about yourself. Use the categories that apply. Skip what doesn't. Trade copies and read silently. No defending or explaining yet — just read. Pick ONE accommodation to try this week. Small. Specific. Scheduled.
Name
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Date
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Five senses — general
Sight — lighting, eye contact
- Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
- Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
- No (overwhelming): ____________________
Sound — music, talking, ambient
- Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
- Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
- No (overwhelming): ____________________
Touch — pressure, fabric
- Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
- Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
- No (overwhelming): ____________________
Smell — body, perfume, soap, sheets
- Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
- Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
- No (overwhelming): ____________________
Taste & temperature — mouth, body warmth, room
- Strong yes (regulating): ____________________
- Mild yes (neutral): ____________________
- No (overwhelming): ____________________
Five senses — intimate context
Some sensory things only show up at the edge of intimacy. Map those here.
Lighting — Bright / dim / candle / dark? What works at start? At peak?
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Sound — music, silence, talking dirty, breathing? What's grounding? What's distracting?
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Touch surfaces — bedding, fabrics, lubricants, body parts. What feels right? What feels wrong?
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Pressure — light, firm, weighted? Where on your body?
______________________________________________
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Pacing — slow build, fast, with breaks? Predictable or improvised?
______________________________________________
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Aftercare — what do you need in the 10 minutes after? Quiet? Touch? Words?
______________________________________________
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Discussion & notes
The sensory profile is private: The conversation about it is the relationship.
Which of my partner's sensory needs surprised me?
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What is one accommodation I want to try this week?
______________________________________________
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Is there a sensory NO of mine I haven't told my partner?
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What is one phrase we can use mid-sex to signal a sensory shift?
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Share the map, not just the results: Show your partner the actual sheet. Seeing your sensory profile written down makes it real in a way that a summary doesn't.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Competing Sensory Needs, Then and Now, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. Two sensory profiles, neither of them normal, and why compromise comes last.
- Sensory Processing, from The Neurodivergent Brain. How sensory processing differs in autism, ADHD & AuDHD — hyper/hypo senses, stimming as regulation, and the hidden tax.
- Meltdowns, Shutdowns, and the Partner's Role, from The Neurodiverse Couple. Telling a meltdown from a shutdown from an argument, the iceberg of load beneath the trigger, what helps in the moment, and the plan you build in advance.
- Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Sex and intimacy for neurodivergent bodies: sensory load, masking, direct communication, and consent.