Sexual Accelerators

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Most accelerator lists are written for neurotypical bodies. This one isn't. For ND folks, accelerators often involve predictability, sensory accommodation, and the special-interest engine — things mainstream sex advice rarely names. This worksheet helps you map yours.

Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.

How to use this worksheet

Each partner fills their own copy. Specifics, not generalities. Pay extra attention to the ND-specific section — these are the accelerators rarely mentioned elsewhere. Trade copies and read silently. Notice the surprises. Pick three accelerators to try this week. Concrete and small.

Name

______________________________________________

Date

______________________________________________

My accelerators — the ND-specific ones first

Often overlooked: Often the most powerful.

Predictability — knowing what will happen next: a script, a routine, a planned start

______________________________________________

Special-interest engine — sex tied to something I'm passionate about (a fantasy character, a topic, a context)

______________________________________________

Monotropic focus — single-channel attention, one sense or one body zone at a time

______________________________________________

Written communication — texts, notes, agreed scripts beat real-time verbal asks

______________________________________________

Sensory accommodations — specific lighting, scents, fabrics, weighted blanket, low sound

______________________________________________

Unmasked safety — permission to stim, vocalize, move, or be still without performing

______________________________________________

My accelerators — general categories

Body-based — specific kinds of touch, pressure, locations on my body

______________________________________________

Mind-based — words, scenarios, anticipation, fantasy

______________________________________________

Emotional — feeling close, feeling pursued, feeling seen

______________________________________________

Context — setting, time of day, days off, vacations

______________________________________________

Discussion & notes

ND accelerators are often counterintuitive: Predictability isn't unsexy — it's permission.

An ND-specific accelerator I had not named before

______________________________________________

An accelerator of my partner's I want to support

______________________________________________

The one we'll try first

______________________________________________

What might make it hard, and how we'll handle that

______________________________________________

Accelerators change: What turns desire on shifts with stress, health, and time. Come back to this list; it's a living document, not a contract.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. The intimacy session for a neurodiverse couple: what gets in the way, how to invite and say no, a touch card, and when to see a specialist.
Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Sex and intimacy for neurodivergent bodies: sensory load, masking, direct communication, and consent.
ASIM-24 — Sex, Intimacy and Sensory Reality, from Autistic Self-Discovery. Sexual knowledge, sensory comfort, boundaries and consent for autistic adults, plus why this reverse-scored tool is unvalidated.

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