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Strengths and Support Questions
Two sets of prompts. The first ten you answer on your partner's behalf — your best guess at how they would finish each sentence. The second eleven you ask them out loud and take notes on. The gap between the two sets is usually the most interesting part.
Part 1 — Finish These Sentences for Your Partner
Answer as though you were them. Then show them your answers and take notes on what they say back — including where you were wrong.
1. "When I was a kid, I dreamed of…"
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2. "I can't pass up a movie or book about…"
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3. "If I played hooky from work for a week, I'd spend the time…"
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4. "Most people don't know this about me, but I really enjoy…"
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5. "I am the go-to person when my friends need help with…"
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6. "If I could star in my own how-to show, it would be about…"
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7. "If I were to make a homemade gift, it would involve…"
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8. "I've only tried it once or twice, but I really enjoy…"
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9. "The closest I come to a runner's high is when I'm…"
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10. "If I won first prize in a talent show, it would be for…"
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Part 2 — Questions to Ask Your Partner
Ask these out loud, one at a time, and write down what you hear rather than what you expected to hear. The hint under each question is what to listen for underneath the answer.
11. "What did you enjoy most as a child?"
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12. "Tell me about some of the biggest challenges in your life. How did you get through them?"
e.g. People take their own experience for granted and do not notice the strengths they used to get through a hard stretch.
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13. "What do you like about yourself?"
e.g. What we like about ourselves is usually something we are good at.
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14. "What do you enjoy doing?"
e.g. We usually enjoy what we are good at.
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15. "What do you yearn to do?"
e.g. Yearnings point to talents that are still unexplored or undeveloped.
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16. "What are some unusual skills you have?"
e.g. The word "unusual" forces a person to think about what is different about them. Then go one layer deeper and name the underlying strength.
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17. "What are you proud of in your life?"
e.g. Ask which strengths they used, or still use, in that area.
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18. "What are three of your greatest strengths?"
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19. "Tell me about your first achievement."
e.g. Even if it sounds small or dull to an adult, an early achievement points to the innermost strengths.
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20. "What would not be the way it is, if you had not been part of it?"
e.g. A job, a volunteer effort, a group. Ask what they actually did, and which strengths made it happen.
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21. "What do you get complimented on most?"
e.g. This tells you what other people admire — look for the skill sitting underneath the compliment.
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You are not quizzing, you are collecting: There is no right answer to any of these, and your partner is allowed to say "I don't know" to most of them. What makes this work is that somebody wrote the answers down. Being asked what you are good at, by the person who lives with you, and having them take notes — that is the whole exercise.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Your Spiky Profile, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. The Trait Wheel gives every area two ratings, not one - and the couples session that stops a gap between two areas being read as not trying.
- Who I Am, in My Own Words, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. Each partner finishes five plain sentences about who they are and how they work, reads the page to the other, and is heard.
- Building Your Couple Operating Manual, from The Neurodiverse Couple. The capstone: turn everything you've learned into one shared couple operating manual — map your two systems and write agreements that actually stick.