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Talking With My Child About Their Autism
Your child already knows they're different. The only question is whether they get to learn WHY from someone who adores them, with words that make them bigger - not smaller. This sheet helps you plan the conversation, or the next, better one.
There's no perfect script: And no perfect time - just an honest, loving one. You can revisit this as many times as you need; it's a conversation, not a one-shot speech.
My child, right now
My child's age:
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How do they communicate best? (check any)
- [ ] Speech
- [ ] AAC / device
- [ ] Drawing / writing
- [ ] Side-by-side, while doing something
When are they most open to big conversations? (check any, add your own)
- [ ] At bedtime
- [ ] On car rides
- [ ] On walks
- [ ] Never head-on
Other / detail:
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What they've already noticed or asked:
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The words we'll use
Fill in your own version - the examples are just to get you started.
Example: 'Your brain is a ___ kind of brain.'
Your brain is a ___ kind of brain
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Example: 'Autism means your brain notices more, feels more, and needs different things - it's a difference, not a defect.'
Autism means... (in your words):
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Words we will NOT use (e.g., 'suffers from,' 'despite your autism,' anything whispered):
Words we will not use:
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Five true things about you I want you to hear
Push for specific: 'you remember every dinosaur's era,' not 'you're smart.'
Five true, specific strengths:
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Questions they might ask — and our answers
The hard ones, with room for your answer. Sample answers are in the prompt to get you going.
Will it go away? (Sample: 'No - and we wouldn't want it to. It's part of what makes you you.')
- Our answer: ____________________
Is something wrong with me? (Sample: 'Nothing is wrong with you. Your brain works differently, and different isn't broken.')
- Our answer: ____________________
Do other kids have this? (Sample: 'Lots do - way more than you'd think. You're in good company.')
- Our answer: ____________________
Is that why kids at school...? (Sample: 'Maybe. And it's not your fault. We'll figure out what helps.')
- Our answer: ____________________
If it doesn't go to plan
Three fallbacks, ready to go:
- If they shut down: 'We can stop. This will be here when you want it.'
- If they get angry: let it be okay - 'You're allowed to feel however you feel about this.'
- If they say nothing at all: that's okay - seeds were planted, and you can come back to it.
How I want my child to feel when we're done
Pick up to three.
- [ ] Known
- [ ] Proud
- [ ] Safe
- [ ] Relieved
- [ ] Curious
- [ ] Loved
Why:
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Afterwards — a week later
Come back to this a week or so after the conversation.
What they've said or done since:
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What we'll revisit:
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They'll remember how it felt: Your child will remember how this felt more than exactly what you said. Loved and safe is the whole goal - and you've already got that part.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Talking With Your Child About Their Autism, from Parenting Autism. When and how to tell your child they're autistic — drip-feed disclosure, identity-positive language, hard questions, siblings.
- What Autism Is (and Isn't), from Parenting Autism. Spiky profiles, a different neurology, and the myths that mislead parents — not caused by parenting or vaccines.
- Communication Across Neurotypes, from Parenting Autism. Why communication is a two-way translation gap, and how to be your child's interpreter.