The Younger You

Underneath the behavior is usually a younger version of you who was hurting and did the best he or she could. Recovery isn't just about managing an adult's behavior - it's about going back and offering that younger self the compassion they didn't get. This sounds soft, but it's some of the most powerful work there is, because the shame that fuels the behavior can't survive real self-compassion.

That kid did the best they could: The younger you who first reached for this wasn't bad - they were hurting and resourceful. Meeting them with kindness instead of disgust is how the cycle of shame finally breaks.

Picturing the younger you

Bring to mind yourself at the age this started, or when life was hardest.

What was that younger me going through? What did he/she need that they weren't getting?

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What they needed to hear

Tick what that younger you most needed someone to say.

• [ ] 'It's not your fault'
• [ ] 'You're not alone'
• [ ] 'You matter'
• [ ] 'It makes sense that you're hurting'
• [ ] 'You're going to be okay'
• [ ] 'I see how hard you're trying'

A letter to the younger you

A few honest, kind words from the you of today to the younger you who started this:

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Compassion is the opposite of the addiction: The behavior runs on shame, secrecy, and self-hatred. Self-compassion starves it. Offering kindness to your younger self isn't letting yourself off the hook - it's the very thing that makes lasting change possible.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• What It Was Protecting: Trauma, Attachment & Roots, from Sex Addiction Recovery. Compulsive sexual behavior often begins as a solution to cope with trauma, unmet attachment needs, and pain.
• Shame, Self-Worth & Identity, from Sex Addiction Recovery. Shame ('I am bad') fuels compulsive behavior; guilt ('I did something') heals it.