What Are We?

Few things are more uncomfortable than not knowing where you stand with someone — are you exclusive? Serious? Just casual? The usual advice is to 'read the signals,' but signals are ambiguous and easy to misread in both directions, and neurodivergent people are often told they're bad at this. Here's the reframe: you don't have to decode it. You're allowed to simply ask. Clarity is a kindness to you both.

Where do I think we are?

What I think is going on between us

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How serious does this feel to me?

Rate from 0 (Just casual) to 10 (Very serious): ____

What I actually want it to be

Name your own want first — it's hard to ask for clarity if you don't know what you're hoping to hear.

What I'd like this to be

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The signals I think I'm reading

List what makes you think it's casual or serious — then notice every one of these is a guess.

What I think I'm picking up on

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Signals aren't proof: Even neurotypical people misread these constantly. The only reliable way to know where you stand is to ask — not to analyze harder.

Just ask — here's how

Name something positive, then ask the question plainly. You don't need to be smooth about it.

Example: 'I really like where this is going, and I'd feel better knowing we're on the same page — are we seeing other people, or are we heading toward something exclusive?'

My version of the question

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If the answer isn't what I hoped

How I'll handle it if we're not on the same page — because a clear no is still better than not knowing

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Asking is a strength: Wanting to know where you stand isn't needy or a faux pas. The right person will be relieved you brought it up — and anyone put off by an honest question just gave you useful information.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Communication Across Neurotypes, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why autistic and non-autistic people misunderstand each other: the double empathy problem, direct vs indirect styles, and cross-neurotype repair.
• Anxiety and Intolerance of Uncertainty, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why anxiety is so common in autism, ADHD & AuDHD — intolerance of uncertainty, the loops that keep it going, and tools that help.
• Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, honestly: what it is, and what helps.