Worry Time

This practice helps if you worry a lot, ruminate, or find yourself pulled toward anger, anxiety, and depression. The idea is not to stop worrying. It is to take control of when the worrying happens, so you are not fighting every upsetting thought that arrives during the day.

Set two worry times

Pick two set times each day. Choose moments when you are already relaxed and centered — after exercise, after a rest, or whatever part of the day you are at your best. Use the same two times every day, for example noon and 8:30 pm.

First worry time

e.g. e.g. 12:00 pm

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Second worry time

e.g. e.g. 8:30 pm

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Worry on purpose for fifteen minutes

Set a timer on your phone for fifteen minutes and do not stop until it rings. Write your worries down — paper usually works better than a screen. Write each problem and the thoughts that come with the feeling. Be compassionate with yourself while you do it. Treat each worry the way you would treat a cut or a bruise: gently, with care, rather than with impatience.

For each worry, take a look at

• What the problem actually is
• How you feel about it
• What the consequences of the problem are
• What you can learn from the worry
• How it might be managed or solved
• Whether your thinking about it is distorted
• Which solution has the best chance of working long term at a reasonable cost

Worry journal

e.g. One problem at a time. Don't edit yourself — keep writing until the timer rings.

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Later, away from worry time, it can help to ask a trusted friend which of your solutions seems worth trying first.

Close with a ritual

When the alarm rings, the session ends — and it ends the same way every time. Some people tuck the worry paper into a book they find encouraging. Others put it in a wallet, under a cushion in a favorite chair, or inside a religious text. What matters is that you repeat the same small act every single time, until it becomes a habit that signals worry time is over.

My closing ritual

e.g. e.g. fold the page and put it inside the blue notebook on the shelf

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Outside your worry times

The moment you notice yourself worrying, postpone it. Make yourself a promise that you will think about this problem later today, during a set worry time. Do not try to banish or suppress the worry when it comes. Welcome it the way you might welcome an annoying relative you have to see anyway — acknowledge it in the back of your mind, then gently turn your attention back to what you were doing.

If worry is still loud, gently distract yourself with

• Mindful breathing, prayer, or meditation — a breathing or meditation app can help
• A service activity that benefits someone else, such as calling a friend who needs it or helping a coworker
• Some task that genuinely needs doing
• Thirty minutes of aerobic activity of any kind, walking included

How to refocus: Ask yourself two questions: “What am I doing now? What is my goal?” The long fall into replaying the relationship that got away becomes: “I am finishing this essay, I want to stay in this moment, and I want to say what I think clearly.”

What I tried outside worry time, and what happened

e.g. Which distraction did you reach for? Did the postponement hold until your next worry time?

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Postponing is not avoiding: You are not refusing the worry — you are giving it an appointment. That is why the practice works when suppression does not: a worry that knows it has a slot on the calendar stops shouting for one.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Perseveration, Rumination, and Thought Loops, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why the neurodivergent mind gets stuck — monotropism, why 'just stop' fails, perseveration vs OCD, and exits that work.
• Anxiety and Intolerance of Uncertainty, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why anxiety is so common in autism, ADHD & AuDHD — intolerance of uncertainty, the loops that keep it going, and tools that help.