Yes / No / Maybe Inventory

Most couples never get a chance to talk about sex with this much specificity. This worksheet replaces ten difficult conversations with one clear comparison.

Safety note: This worksheet is for consensual relationships where both partners can say yes, no, wait, or stop without punishment. Do not use this worksheet to pressure sexual activity. If there is fear, coercion, retaliation, active abuse, trauma flooding, pain, shutdown, or dissociation, pause and use this with a qualified therapist.

How to use this worksheet

Each partner fills out their own copy. Privately. In writing. Don't talk while you mark it. Trade copies and read silently. Notice your reactions before you speak. Find the overlap of YES x YES. That's where you start. Talk about the MAYBES with curiosity. Respect every NO without negotiation.

Three safety rules: MAYBE does not mean 'convince me.' NO is not up for debate. YES today can become NO tomorrow.

Name

______________________________________________

Date

______________________________________________

Inventory — Talking, Setting & Setup

For each activity, mark YES, NO, or MAYBE.

Talk about sex outside the bedroom

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Plan or schedule sex in advance

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Spontaneous sex when one of us initiates

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex in dim or low light

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex with the lights on

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex in candlelight

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex with music playing

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex in silence

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex with sensory accommodations (weighted blanket, etc.)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex in the morning

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex at night

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex midday / afternoon

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Affection & non-sexual touch

Holding hands

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Long hugs

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Cuddling, fully clothed

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Cuddling, naked

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Massage (giving)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Massage (receiving)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Bath or shower together

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sleeping in the same bed every night

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Lay together quietly after sex (aftercare)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Kissing & mouth

Soft, closed-mouth kissing

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Deep / open-mouth kissing

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Kissing the neck

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Kissing the back

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Kissing other body parts

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Biting (gentle)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sensory play & build-up

Extended foreplay (20+ minutes)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Light touching with fingertips

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Firm touching with hands

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Hair pulling (gentle)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Scratching (gentle)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Talking dirty

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Whispered sweet talk

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Eye contact during sex

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Avoiding eye contact during sex

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Genital touch, manual & oral

Manual touch (giving)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Manual touch (receiving)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Mutual masturbation

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Solo masturbation in front of partner

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Watching partner masturbate

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Giving oral sex

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Receiving oral sex

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Mutual oral sex

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Oral-only sex (no penetration)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Penetrative

Vaginal penetration

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Penetration with fingers

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Penetration with toy

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Anal play (external)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Anal penetration

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Toys, aids & materials

Use lubricant

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Use a vibrator

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Use other sex toys together

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Use a vibrator solo while partner watches

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Wear lingerie or special clothing

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex blindfolded

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Power, role & variety

Take a clearly leading role

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Take a clearly receiving role

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Switch roles within one session

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Light power play (gentle restraint)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Roleplay or fantasy scenarios

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Watch erotica together

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Read erotica together

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Outside the usual

Sex outside the bedroom (other rooms)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex outdoors / outside the home

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Sex during travel / hotels

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Quickies (under 10 minutes)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Long sessions (over an hour)

• Y / N / M (Yes / No / Maybe): ____________________

Discussion & notes

These prompts help turn the inventory into a conversation, not a verdict.

Where did our YES x YES overlap surprise you?

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Which of my partner's MAYBES are most interesting to me?

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

What would have to be true for me to move a MAYBE to a YES?

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Is there a NO I want my partner to fully understand the reason behind?

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

One small thing from this list we can try this week

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Maybe means maybe: A 'maybe' isn't a soft yes. Treat it as an invitation to talk more, not as permission.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program. The intimacy session for a neurodiverse couple: what gets in the way, how to invite and say no, a touch card, and when to see a specialist.
• Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodiverse Couple. Intimacy in a neurodiverse couple — spontaneous vs responsive desire, the sensory side of sex, why pressure backfires, and how to design it together.
• Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Sex and intimacy for neurodivergent bodies: sensory load, masking, direct communication, and consent.